Listening is a bit like intelligence - most
everyone thinks they are above average, even though that is impossible. Listening
can influence people’s life. We talk to provide feedback, give instructions,
and communicate deadlines. Beyond the spoken words, there's invaluable
information to be deciphered through tone of voice, body language, and what is
not said. Most people believe that they are good listeners but they are not. The
first step to improve a fault is to admit to have it. Effective listening is
something that can absolutely be learned and mastered. How?
1. Focus. The biggest mistake most people make
when it comes to listening is they are so focused on what they are going to say
next or how what the other person is saying is going to affect them that they
fail to hear what is being said. The words come through loud and clear, but the
meaning is lost. Focusing may seem like a simple suggestion, but it is not as
easy as it sounds. Your thoughts can be incredibly distracting.
2. Put away your phone. It is impossible to
listen well and monitor your phone at the same time. Nothing turns people off
like a mid-conversation text message or even a quick glance at your phone. When
you commit to a conversation, focus all your energy on the conversation. You
will find that conversations are more enjoyable and effective when you immerse
yourself in them.
3. Ask open questions. People like to know you
are listening, and something as simple as a clarification question shows not
only that you are listening but also that you care about what they are saying.
You will be surprised by how much respect and appreciation you gain just by
asking good questions. In addition to verifying what you have heard, you should
ask questions that seek more information.
4. Practice reflective listening. The term
reflective listening describes the listening strategy of paraphrasing the
meaning of what is being said to make certain you have interpreted the
speaker's words correctly. By doing this, you give the speaker the opportunity
to clarify what he or she meant to say. When you practice reflective listening,
do not repeat the speaker's words to the speaker, use your own words to show
that you have absorbed the information.
5. Use positive body language. Be aware of your
gestures, expressions, and tone of voice (always positive). Using an
enthusiastic tone, uncrossing your arms, maintaining eye contact, and leaning
toward the speaker are all forms of positive body language employed by good
listeners. Positive body language is a sign of emotional intelligence, and it
can make all the difference in a conversation.
6. Do not judge. A good listener is open-minded,
approachable, and interesting to others. Having an open mind is crucial for a
positive conversation, it means access to new ideas and help. You need to see
the world through other people's eyes. This does not require that you believe
what they believe or condone their behaviour; it simply means that you quit
passing judgement long enough to truly understand what they are saying.
7. Keep your mouth shut. If you are not
checking for understanding or asking a probing question, you should not be talking.
Thinking about what you are going to say next takes your attention away from
the speaker, but hijacking the conversation shows that you think you have
something more important to say. This means you should not jump in with
solutions to the speaker's problems. It is human nature to want to help people,
especially when it is someone you care about, but what a lot of us do not
realize is that when we jump in with advice or a solution, we are shutting the
other person down.
Let us take a look around our world: how many problems
we could fix with an authentic listening?
Are you listening to me?
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