“When we are talking, we are not
learning; when we are listening, we are learning.”
Every conversation has two sides:
to talk and to listening and both are essential to the art of interpersonal
communication. Talking is only half the process. To be a truly accomplished
communicator, we must also know how to listen.
When we talk…
1. Get our thinking straight.
The most common source of
confusing messages is a muddled thinking. We have the idea but we have not
thought through. As a result, we are not prepared when we speak, and the
message is confused. The first rule is to think before we say anything and
organize our thoughts.
2. Be assertive.
Say exactly what we mean.
3. Get to the point.
Effective communicators go
straight to the point.
4. Be concise.
Confusion grows in direct
proportion to the number of words used. Speak plainly and briefly, using the
shortest, most familiar words.
5. Be real.
Each of us has a
personality—traits, thought, patterns, mannerisms—which can aid us in communicating
clearly. Being natural is more convincing and much more comfortable.
6. Speak in images.
Words that help people visualize
concepts can be tremendous aids in communicating a message.
When we listen…
1. Do it with thought and care.
Listening, like speaking and
writing, requires genuine interest and attention. If we do not concentrate on
listening, we will not learn much, and we will not remember much of what we do
learn. Most of us retain only 25 percent of what we hear—so if we can increase
our retention and our comprehension, we can increase our effectiveness.
2. Use our eyes.
If we listen only with our ears,
we are missing much of the message. Good listeners keep their eyes open while
listening. The face is an eloquent communication medium; we must learn to read
its messages.
3. Observe the nonverbal signals.
Rubbing one eye. Rubbing one eye
often is a signal that the speaker is having trouble inwardly accepting
something.
Tapping feet. It usually
indicates a lack of confidence.
Rubbing fingers. It often means
that the speaker is holding something back.
Staring and blinking. It means
that the topic is under consideration.
Crooked smiles. Most genuine smiles
are symmetrical; if a smile is noticeably crooked, it is a fake one.
Eyes that avoid contact. It can
be a sign of low self-esteem, but it can also indicate that the speaker is not
being truthful.
4. Make things easy.
Good listeners make it easy on
those to whom they want to listen. They are interested in what the other person
has to say.
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