"La
sociedad en la que no se aprecia la gentileza, se disgrega."
(Dalai Lama)
Una
sociedad desintegrada, un grupo de personas que se mueven, que conviven
físicamente en un mismo territorio mas no conectan, no comunican, no
intercambian. Es la negación misma de una sociedad.
Vivir
con falta de gentileza es muy difícil, lo cotidiano se vuelve más pesado de
afrontar hasta en sus mínimos detalles.
Cuando
efectuamos un acto gentil, nuestro cerebro libra dopamina que ya sabemos, nos
otorga una sensación de bienestar, evitando la tristeza o peor aún, la
depresión. La amabilidad genera amabilidad y eso hace que nuestro entorno sea más
positivo y estimulante.
¿Qué
es la gentileza?
La
cortesía, la amabilidad hacia los demás, la nobleza interior, la sutileza de
los sentimientos, seguido por el acto educado.
Las
personas gentiles no son individualistas, respetan a todos por igual y por lo
tanto llegan más lejos al ser estimuladores continuos de vías de comunicación
efectivas y constructivas.
Los seres gentiles contribuyen a un mundo más humano para todos. Son empáticos, saben escuchar
(no oír), son pacientes, saben pedir perdón y son siempre un gran apoyo para
quienes los frecuentan. Tratan de ser justos y objetivos, son solucionadores de
conflictos por naturaleza.
Comportarse
gentilmente es una cosa, ser gentil es otra. A la base de una efectiva
gentileza yace la honestidad, las palabras gentiles que decimos tienen que ser
sentidas y no ser fruto de un formalismo hipócrita.
La
gentileza puede convertirse en una máscara de conformidad, una manera de quedar
bien, tal vez incluso una herramienta para ocultar o para ejercer el poder, para
manipular.
La
verdadera gentileza es el elemento clave para construir relaciones sólidas,
auténticas, de confianza, que nos ayudan a lograr los resultados deseados en
todos los ámbitos de nuestra existencia privada y social.
La
gentileza es un bien muy poderoso que debe ser practicado durante toda nuestra
vida. Es un elemento clave de la convivencia entre seres humanos.
Considerar al
otro digno de respeto y de atención, independientemente de su origen, su raza, su
credo, su nivel cultural, social o económico.
"He aprendido que ser amable es más importante que
tener la razón."
“The only reason people believe in an afterlife is
because they are too narcissistic to imagine a world without them.” Woody Allen.
When
we hear narcissist, we think of the typical characteristic elements: entitlement, cockiness and arrogance. However, narcissism is beyond having an
exaggerated, superficial opinion about oneself.
Narcissists
are people who are in constant search for validation.
A
simple compliment will not do for them. They need more than that.
Narcissists
are confident individualpersons, with a solid self-worth. External experiences
drive them to feel superior about themselves.
Human
beings always want to feel good about themselves but in the case of
narcissists, they are constantly comparing themselves to others.
The
motivational factor that drives narcissists is intense, deep fear, which causes
them to overreact internally, as well as externally. They fear not being
worthy, lovable or good enough for others.
They
display different levels of emotions because of their fragile ego. Their ego is
always affected by stress, manifestations and obligations in the society.
Narcissists
cover up their intense emotions with the shield of anger.
These
types of individuals use anger as a source of coping mechanism. They protect
their emotions and vulnerability with deliberate fits of rage.
Narcissists
follow their own rules.
Narcissists
are defined by their own set of rules and if people in their lives do not abide
by them, they get mad or upset. It is because these people feel low self-worth
if their rules are not followed by others.
Narcissists
are truly about “All-or-Nothing”, “Black-or-White”, “Good-or-Bad”.
One strategy
is to avoid them. They say that the only way to win is
not to play.
We never
have to extend credit to, or accept promises from narcissists. As soon as they
get what they want, they will be on to the next thing, forgetting whatever they
said they would do for us. Sometimes they make promises they do not intend to
keep, but often, they merely forget. Therefore, we need to make sure we get
what they have promised before we give them what they want. Narcissists will
respect us for it.
Una comunicación efectiva y satisfactoria,
requiere también una cierta dosis de creatividad a la hora de formular
preguntas a nuestros hijos.
Todos los días les hacemos la misma pregunta: "¿Cómo
estuvo la escuela hoy?" Y todos los días nos frustramos por la corta y
seca respuesta.
A veces no tenemos el
ánimo para una conversación y no se nos ocurre qué preguntar.
Como padres y educadores, debemos despertar en los
niños el deseo de compartir historias, cuentos, sucesos de su cotidianeidad.
Cómo y cuándo formularemos las preguntas hará
una gran diferencia en las respuestas que recibiremos
·No
hagamos todas las preguntas el mismo día.
·Tratemos
de averiguar cuáles preguntas suscitan las respuestas más significativas.
·Formulemos
las preguntas en un momento que tengamos la capacidad de enfocarnos para que
nuestros hijos sientan que tienen toda nuestra atención (Atención Plena).
·No
interrumpamos (Buena regla para cualquier conversación).
·Preguntemos
más, así estamos demostrando interés por lo que escuchamos.
·Preguntemos
acerca de sus sentimientos y sus emociones, nunca subestimándolos.
·Agradezcamos
siempre por compartir con nosotros. Siempre apreciemos la honestidad y la
voluntad de compartir los aspectos más destacados y brillantes, así como los
momentos difíciles. Esto les fortalecerá la confianza y les reforzará el deseo
de contarnos más.
Estas preguntas podrían ayudarnos a lograrlo…
Dime si hoy te sentiste emocionado por lo que
estabas aprendiendo.
Cuéntame si hoy en algún momento, te sentiste
confundido.
Piensa en lo que aprendiste y lo que hiciste en
la escuela hoy. ¿Hay algo sobre lo que gustaría saber más? ¿Qué preguntas te
surgieron de tu aprendizaje hoy?
¿Hubo algún momento en que te sentiste
preocupado o asustado hoy?
¿Hubo algún momento en que hoy te sentiste
irrespetado por alguien? Cuéntame sobre eso.
¿Hoy sentiste que tú o que uno de tus compañeros
fueron atentos o cariñosos con alguien?
¿Hoy te sentiste orgulloso de ti mismo?
¿Tuviste hoy una conversación placentera con un
compañero de clase?
¿Tuviste algún reto hoy?
¿Qué te gustó del día de clases de hoy?
¿Qué aprendiste de ti hoy?
¿Hay algo de lo que te gustaría hablar sobre lo
que yo podría ayudarte a entenderlo?
¿Hay algo que te preocupa?
¿Qué esperas para la clase de mañana?
¿Hay alguna pregunta que te gustaría que yo te
hiciera sobre tu día de clases?
Tratemos de hacer una lista de preguntas que
recibieron una respuesta positiva por parte de nuestros hijos y establezcamos
la rutina de tener siempre conversaciones fructíferas con ellos. Eso nos regalará
momentos de gran felicidad y satisfacción.
"Juzga más al hombre por sus preguntas que
por sus respuestas". Voltaire
According to ancient inherited
concepts, learning should cost (effort and money) and should be completely
detached from enjoyment and pleasure.
Learning does require effort,
perseverance and dedication, but we learn more and better when "we wantto" than when "we
have to".
We learn more efficiently from
playingthan from academics; more from in what
we are interested than in what we are bored; more from what we consider useful
than futile.
In their earliest years, children
learn while they play, it is a great effort (they establish millions of neural
connections per minute) but without suffering. The effort becomes delight from
their own personal motivation. That desire to learn by exploring the world,
playing and having fun, driven by curiosity and innate creativity with pleasure
as an element of motivation. With the passing of the years that motivation
disappears and with it the pleasure of learning, leading to feelings of
obligation and discouraging the joy of knowing, working, learning and
interacting with "the other". With the passage of the years, school
activity ceases to be something cheerful, funny and playful. It becomes a
rough, difficult, abstract feat required, depersonalized and separated from the
aspirations and dreams of each student, resulting in a progressive emotional
estrangement.
"We learn only what we like,
how we like, from whom we like."
The
enormous pressure from parents, families, teachers and society to be good
students, disciplined with a single goal that is to pass the courses, turns
learning into a duty and no longer a pleasure. To please and to receive
approval from the socio-emotional environment is more than a motivation; it is
an obligation that generates a lot of pressure.
Our brain does not work under threat or pressure.
The emphasis is constantly on the
effort to learn and study, relegating the pleasant occupations into the
background, with the promise that it is the only way in the future "to do well and be happy."
We procrastinate the “now”
happiness with the promise of the "then” happiness.
The principle "pleasure-love-duty" must go
together throughout our lives to achieve meaningful existence and to acquire
the ability to realize ourselves. Defer the deepest longings to conform to the
educational and social (or economic) requirements, which do not always provide
criteria and meaning to life, is a social behaviour pattern that should be
changed.
What is learned should not only
be significant for the future but also for the present: the "Here"
and "Now" is what matters. Our education systems tend to repress the
pleasure and enjoyment, condemn gaming and underestimate emotions, giving
priority to the intellectual and mental.
Brain rather than heart is wrong.
An education that aims to
excellence has to contemplate the human being as a whole; allowing the harmonic
expression of the three aspects "pleasure-love-duty"
because only together and complemented, they will allow the development of full
and happy beings.
Many people work in jobs or
professions that do not fill them, in institutions or companies with which they
do not share their principles. Then comes the weekend and all that pent-up
tension turns into an alienating leisure (bed-TV-food) or lethal addictions
like alcohol or worse, drugs. The pleasure and emotional, strongly repressed by
duty and the requirement imposed or self-imposed, expressed wildly through
euphoric and alienating activities such as exhaust valves.
School organization is a true reflection
of this situation. Teaching methods remain the same. New crises and tensions
are demanding an urgent need for change in all education systems.
Knowledge is a whole, teaching
competences and not contents with more flexible spaces and times, with more
integrative approach, more open classrooms without overloading mandatory tasks
outside the educational field (homework).
We must ensure that school is no
longer a “parking" for children
with busy parents, but spaces where children, adolescents and adults want to go
to learn, enjoying all together learning (and teaching), sharing and
discovering their talents and potentialities.
We must get from "What a
nuisance! I have classes tomorrow! to “Wonderful! I have classes tomorrow!”
Non-formal learning is increasingly
important. In a knowledge society, the approach to it is a priority in order
that is not only a torrent of abstract information, but also an
informative-formative wealth for each individual. All intellectual, educational
or labour activity should be developed in a context of kindness, enjoyment,
contributing to the necessary self-realization of each person.
Schools, colleges, universities
and institutes should be spaces for the virtuous and joyful expression of
natural pleasure of teaching and learning, ceasing to be mere execution /
instruction to become a journey of self-discovery.
Each teacher, each student must
feel sheltered, respected, listened to, cared for in their individuality, not
forced to teach or to learn, but encouraged to do their best in an emotionally
positive and cheerful environment. Less strictness, less discipline and less
academic requirements; less evaluation and control mechanisms; to avoid
dehumanized confrontation and competition between colleagues and / or students;
more freedom and respect for educators and learners.
The challenge is huge but
necessary. Through empathy and high motivation, classrooms must become spaces
of collective self-realizations full of stimulations for the educators and the
students. Helping toform human beings with
self-esteem, self-confidence, independent in thought and decisions. Capable of
enjoying their studies, their jobs, their families, their lives …
