Effective Listening needs...

Listening is a bit like intelligence - most everyone thinks they are above average, even though that is impossible. Listening can influence people’s life. We talk to provide feedback, give instructions, and communicate deadlines. Beyond the spoken words, there's invaluable information to be deciphered through tone of voice, body language, and what is not said. Most people believe that they are good listeners but they are not. The first step to improve a fault is to admit to have it. Effective listening is something that can absolutely be learned and mastered. How?

1. Focus. The biggest mistake most people make when it comes to listening is they are so focused on what they are going to say next or how what the other person is saying is going to affect them that they fail to hear what is being said. The words come through loud and clear, but the meaning is lost. Focusing may seem like a simple suggestion, but it is not as easy as it sounds. Your thoughts can be incredibly distracting.

2. Put away your phone. It is impossible to listen well and monitor your phone at the same time. Nothing turns people off like a mid-conversation text message or even a quick glance at your phone. When you commit to a conversation, focus all your energy on the conversation. You will find that conversations are more enjoyable and effective when you immerse yourself in them.

3. Ask open questions. People like to know you are listening, and something as simple as a clarification question shows not only that you are listening but also that you care about what they are saying. You will be surprised by how much respect and appreciation you gain just by asking good questions. In addition to verifying what you have heard, you should ask questions that seek more information.  

4. Practice reflective listening. The term reflective listening describes the listening strategy of paraphrasing the meaning of what is being said to make certain you have interpreted the speaker's words correctly. By doing this, you give the speaker the opportunity to clarify what he or she meant to say. When you practice reflective listening, do not repeat the speaker's words to the speaker, use your own words to show that you have absorbed the information.

5. Use positive body language. Be aware of your gestures, expressions, and tone of voice (always positive). Using an enthusiastic tone, uncrossing your arms, maintaining eye contact, and leaning toward the speaker are all forms of positive body language employed by good listeners. Positive body language is a sign of emotional intelligence, and it can make all the difference in a conversation.

6. Do not judge. A good listener is open-minded, approachable, and interesting to others. Having an open mind is crucial for a positive conversation, it means access to new ideas and help. You need to see the world through other people's eyes. This does not require that you believe what they believe or condone their behaviour; it simply means that you quit passing judgement long enough to truly understand what they are saying.

7. Keep your mouth shut. If you are not checking for understanding or asking a probing question, you should not be talking. Thinking about what you are going to say next takes your attention away from the speaker, but hijacking the conversation shows that you think you have something more important to say. This means you should not jump in with solutions to the speaker's problems. It is human nature to want to help people, especially when it is someone you care about, but what a lot of us do not realize is that when we jump in with advice or a solution, we are shutting the other person down.

Let us take a look around our world: how many problems we could fix with an authentic listening?

Are you listening to me?

Cervello - Memoria - Cacao...

Secondo un nuovo studio, l'ingrediente fondamentale dell'elisir di giovinezza è il cioccolato, che avrebbe il potere di rallentare il processo di perdita della memoria nelle persone anziane. I flavonoli, gli antiossidanti contenuti nei chicchi di cacao, possono far ringiovanire la nostra memoria. Il 40% della popolazione dai 65 anni in su sperimenta episodi di perdita di memoria collegati all'età. Il processo inizia da adulti e diventa sempre più pronunciato a mano a mano che si invecchia. Vuoti di memoria, ricordi che si disperdono, dettagli che si dimenticano. La ricerca ha coinvolto 37 volontari di età comprese tra i 50 e i 69 anni. I partecipanti sono stati divisi in due gruppi: il primo è stato invitato a bere ogni giorno una bevanda ad alto contenuto di cacao, mentre i volontari dell'altro gruppo ne hanno presa solo una piccola dose ogni giorno. Il periodo di osservazione è durato tre mesi: l'esperimento ha messo in evidenza che coloro che avevano assunto più cacao facevano dei collegamenti mentali più facilmente e più velocemente rispetto agli altri. Grazie all'esperimento, i ricercatori hanno anche notato che nei soggetti che avevano mangiato più cioccolato c'era un maggiore afflusso di sangue nella zona dell’ippocampo, dove si rigenerano le cellule del cervello e si fissano i ricordi. Il processo di perdita di memoria, insomma, inizierebbe proprio in questa regione. A migliorare la memoria ci pensano i flavonoli, contenuti nei chicchi di cacao. Più la concentrazione di cacao è alta, più farà bene alla nostra salute. È importante sapere che possiamo agire sulla perdita di memoria modificando la nostra dieta e le nostre abitudini. I ricercatori hanno isolato e individuato una particolare area del cervello che si indebolisce quando iniziamo ad invecchiare e hanno dimostrato che un intervento non farmacologico può migliorare l'apprendimento di nuove informazioni. Riassumendo: Volete mantenere il vostro cervello in forma? Una buona tazza di cacao e una buona chiacchierata (in un’altra lingua!).

You only learn what you like, how you like, from whom you like.

Education and pleasure ...

According to ancient inherited concepts, learning should cost (effort and money) and should be completely detached from enjoyment and pleasure. Learning does require effort, perseverance and dedication, but we learn more and better when "we want to" than when "we must". We learn more efficiently from playing than from academics; more from in what we are interested than in what we are bored; more from what we consider useful than futile. In their earliest years, children learn while they play, it is a great effort (they establish millions of neural connections per minute) but without suffering. The effort becomes delight from their own personal motivation. That desire to learn by exploring the world, playing and having fun, driven by curiosity and innate creativity with pleasure as an element of motivation. With the passing of the years that motivation disappears and with it the pleasure of learning, leading to feelings of obligation and discouraging the joy of knowing, working, learning and interacting with "the other". With the passage of the years, school activity ceases to be something cheerful, funny and playful. It becomes a rough, difficult, abstract feat required, depersonalised and separated from the aspirations and dreams of each student, resulting in a progressive emotional estrangement. "You learn only what you like, how you like and from who you like." The enormous pressure from parents, families, teachers and society to be good students, disciplined with a single goal which is to pass the courses, turns learning into a duty and no longer a pleasure. To please and to receive approval from the socio-emotional environment is more than a motivation, it is an obligation that generates a lot of pressure ­our brain does not work under threat or pressure ­ the emphasis is constantly on the effort to learn and study, relegating the pleasant occupations into the background, with the promise that it is the only way in the future "to do well and be happy." We procrastinate the “now” happiness with the promise of the "then” happiness. The principle "pleasure-­love-­duty" must go together throughout our lives to achieve meaningful existence and to acquire the ability to fully realize ourselves. Defer the deepest longings to conform to the educational and social (or economic) requirements, which do not always provide criteria and meaning to life, is a social behaviour pattern that should be changed. What is learned should not only be significant for the future but also for the present: the "Here" and "Now" is what matters. Our education systems tend to repress the pleasure and enjoyment, condemn gaming and underestimate emotions, giving priority to the intellectual and mental. Brain rather than heart. An education that aims to excellence has to contemplate the human being as a whole; allowing the harmonic expression of the three aspects "pleasure-­love-­duty" because only together and complemented they will allow the development of full and happy beings. Many people work in jobs or professions that do not fill them, in institutions or companies with which they do not share their principles. Then comes the weekend and all that pent-up tension turns into an alienating leisure (bed-­TV-­food) or lethal addictions like alcohol or worse, drugs. The pleasure and emotional, strongly repressed by duty and the requirement imposed or self-imposed, expressed wildly through euphoric and alienating activities such as exhaust valves. School organization is a true reflection of this situation. Teaching methods remain the same. It continues to be taught for a time that no longer exists. New crises and tensions are demanding an urgent need for change in all education systems. Knowledge must be seen as a whole, teaching competences and not contents with more flexible spaces and times, with more integrative approach, more open classrooms without overloading mandatory tasks outside the educational field (homework). We must ensure that school is no longer a “parking" for children with busy parents, but spaces where children, adolescents and adults want to go to learn, enjoying all together teaching and learning, sharing and discovering their talents and potentialities. We must get from "What a nuisance! I have classes tomorrow! to “Wonderful! I have classes tomorrow!” Non-formal learning is increasingly important. In a knowledge society, the approach to it is a priority in order that is not only a torrent of abstract information, but an informative­formative wealth for each individual. All intellectual, educational or labour activity should be developed in a context of kindness, enjoyment, contributing to the necessary self-­realization of each person. Schools, colleges, universities and institutes should be spaces for the virtuous and joyful expression of natural pleasure of teaching and learning, ceasing to be mere execution/instruction to become a journey of self-­discovery. Each teacher, each student must feel sheltered, respected, listened to, cared for in their individuality, not forced to teach or to learn, but encouraged to do their best in an emotionally positive and cheerful environment. Less strictness, less discipline and less academic requirements; less evaluation and control mechanisms; to avoid dehumanized confrontation and competition between colleagues and/or students; more freedom and respect for educators and learners. The challenge is huge but absolutely necessary. Through empathy and high motivation, classrooms must become spaces of collective self-realizations full of stimulations for the educators and the students. Helping to form human beings with self-­esteem, self-confidence, independent in thought and decisions. Capable of enjoying their studies, their jobs, their families, their lives …

Do you speak only English? I am so sorry…

According to the statistics compiled by the Department for Education, London children whose first language is not English are getting slightly better overall grades at school than pupils who were brought up speaking it. At the same time the Government is still worried about immigrant mothers with weak English skills and how this lack of English in immigrant communities was hampering integration and life-chances, particularly of women…English language importance must not be underestimated but as I wrote in other posts, British they still do not want to accept that they have a problem: they speak only English! There must be a mentality change about that, otherwise the isolation from the real multilingual world is guaranteed. British will face problems to get new jobs and to integrate with an unstoppable multicultural society. Statistics confirm that being brought up with another language is not a disadvantage but a great advantage not only for academic or job success but also for a necessary social integration.

Volete essere fedeli? Innamoratevi!

Amore e Psiche - Antonio Canova

Quando siamo innamorati, il nostro cervello sviluppa meccanismi per evitare l'adulterio. Chi è innamorato si trova in una specie di stato di grazia, fra le nuvole, distratto verso tutto ciò che accade intorno. Questo lo sappiamo. Ma gli scienziati adesso hanno trovato una spiegazione scientifica: sembra che l'innamoramento blocchi letteralmente nel nostro cervello la capacità di essere attratti da altre persone in particolare le più belle. I ricercatori hanno fatto uno studio per misurare l'attenzione fra 100 donne e uomini che sono stati esposti a foto di bellissime persone e altre non tanto belle. La metà dei volontari doveva scrivere prima dell'esperimento, un piccolo testo parlando sull’amore che sentivano verso la loro coppia. L'altra metà doveva scrivere un saggio generico sulla felicità. Subito dopo sono state esposte le foto (con gli occhi dei volontari monitorati da un computer). Chi aveva scritto (e pensato) sull’amore verso il suo partner ha ignorato principalmente le immagini delle persone più attraenti - i loro occhi semplicemente non si sono soffermati a lungo sulle quelle foto. Secondo gli scienziati, questo accade perché quando siamo innamorati, la neocorteccia cerebrale respinge innanzitutto le persone molto attraenti – con le quali si hanno maggiori probabilità di commettere adulterio. Il dato più impressionante è che tra gli uomini questo sistema “anti attrazione” è stato 4 volte più forte che tra le donne. I ricercatori ipotizzano che questo meccanismo di “autodifesa” si sarebbe sviluppato attraverso l'evoluzione umana per aiutare i maschi a rimanere monogami. 

Evidentemente l’antropogenesi ritiene che la monogamia abbia dei vantaggi evolutivi per la nostra specie…